When I was a child my mother told me that, for her, the most important virtue was kindness. “If we could all be a little kinder to each other,” she said, “life would be easier for us all.” I agree. This focus on kindness has been confirmed by none other than the Dalai Lama who famously said, “My religion is kindness.”
Kindness, compassion, and love as charity – a willingness to give to others, are cornerstones of Buddhism and Christianity, indeed of all the major religions. These religions spring from a common human understanding and desire for connectedness. It feels good to be kind, to reach out and connect, to be generous.
For me, generosity is compassion at its most expansive. Generosity is the opening up of our hearts and our arms to give because we realize all that we have received from God and the Universe. It is the joyous willingness to let go and share the good with others because we know the abundance that is our birthright.
We are not always in that exalted place in consciousness. It is fairly easy to be generous and kind when things are going well, and when others are appreciative of our generosity. It is much harder to practice this open hearted approach when we meet resistance or indifference. However, this is when the real work begins. We cannot wait for everything to fall into place before we give. There is never a perfect situation or moment to be generous. People do not always conform to our expectations. Remember, take your lead from the wholeness and joy in your heart not in the relative conditions of the world.
Important, too, is the understanding that being generous and compassionate does not mean pouring our hearts and our resources into an endless black hole. Our innate wisdom tells us how to act skillfully. Trust it. Sometimes tough love is the best love. Teaching new skills to another is better than giving them a handout.
In the Six Paramitas or Perfections of Buddhist teaching the first quality is generosity. The levels of generosity extend from giving physical support, to teaching others, all the way to our inherit attitude and willingness to give selflessly to another, to a task, to a dream. The image I see is a person with arms open wide reaching out nobly to others. Sometimes that reaching out is over the edge of a precipice! Our generosity can become over extended. And so the Buddha provides the perfect balance. Quality number two in the Six Perfections is Discipline and Moral Conduct. Our disciplined discernment shows us the best approach, tempering generous hearted compassion with clear-eyed insight. There have been times in my life when I have had to say no as well as yes, to myself and to others. I am thankful for the gift of discernment the helps me say both yes and no, that provides the delicate balance of generosity and discipline.
So what do we make of a mother’s simple advice spoken to a child decades ago? I liked its simplicity at the time and I like it now. Yet, after much practice, I have realized that I can find a greater integrity by being both kind and generous in mind and heart and at the same time not gullible or foolish. I have learned the gift of receiving as well as giving. When we are generous hearted to ourselves we open up space to be more generous and compassionate to others.
Originally published in Compassion, Living Life with an Open Heart, by Unity.org.